Well this is for all the craziness i've been doing since i wasn't ready to face the fact that i don't belong to anyone anymore!
So here it goes,
When my friend told me that he's gonah help with my shit ass issue, i couldn't stop the gloom, that engulfed me.. i stood in the second class compartment with the friend constantly drfiting between happiness and sorrow, happiness cuz I was gonah see you & the sorrow cuz i wasn't able to see what hadd become of US! Crying-laughing! I didn't know this could be coming, i din't know that this river NEVER intented to meet the sea ..
There are times i find myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely.. I be much honest to myself that way.. Now, using the simplest words ever, all i would say is i am hurt! Hurt cuz my fondness for the first love and everything i thought it was turned out to be totally wrong, it all went haywire.. And now i am trying to think of a logical solution that could explain what i have just done to myself - LAST SHOT, as i would frame it to be.. A shot that excluded the assumption that i was insane.. Insane cuz despite of knowing the facts, knowing that we're gonah have tough times and it would be hard to mend the trusts that still lies broken & at some point both of us may want to get out of it - But i also knew if i didn't ask you to be mine, i'll regret it for the rest of my life.. Honestly speaking MAYBE i knew what the reality was. But again, i hate reality - it's way too clear to me..
I found you laugh at me that night, laughing at my helplessness.. Fun to see a girl beg, eh? thats lame of you cuz initially when i started to dislike you, i thought you're not a man but then i figured out that you're not a human being either! I remember every word you said, you said i'll regret this night just cuz i was drunk & didn't know what i was doing.. Drunk- agreed, i was.. But i still was x100 more in sense than you ever were.. I am so angry right now that the heat of my anger should physically burn you.. more than angry i am amused, I was crazy & didn't realize i am confusing my dreams with reality which felt so convinient then.. The last shot - as i framed it earlier - either way, was entirely depended on your decision. Cuz i had made mine, even before i'd consiously chosen it & i was committed.
Well let me not be a diplomat, who juggles and manipulates his statement.. I don't care what you are now and what changed you.. All i know is i loved the man you were, the man whom i loved.. And thinking about then, no one ever tried to adjust with YOU so much cuz no one was so aware of you as i was.. No one watched you the way i did.. No one respected you as much as i did.. But i've decided not to be the miserable one.. Knowing you so much already i have decided to distance myself from you.. Cuz i want to leave intact the LITTLE respect i still have for you.. The more i try, the more i'll learn you & the more you'll lose respect.. And moreover your influence over me, more than pathetic is dangerous.. My bad had i figured you out earlier i would have been able to save my personality from some serious scars..Nevertheless i still can, cuz i know i am WORTH IT!
On a last note i would just say that prosperity is NOT when you measure the love you've received, It's when you love someone regardless the measure!
P.S. - Life had offered you a dream so far.. and it obviously was beyond any of your expectations.. Don't grieve on them in the future cuz YOU BLEW IT UP
P.P.S. - Friendship is beyond anything, atleast it doesn't require a permission from the GOD's MEN!
P.P.P.S. - **I-AM-WAY-TOO-FUCKING-AWESOME-FOR-YOU!**
Peace out,
** Play's 'I fucking Hate You' by 'Godsmack' And hits on repeat **
